Remembering Love: Loving Another Human Being in Honey and Clover

This post is part of the Remembering Love project by Trazor. That two words - "remembering love" makes me remember this one show: Honey and Clover, with fond memories.

When I first saw Honey and Clover, I was 24 years old. An age where people considered you as an adult and expect you to act accordingly. Back then I was a hikki. Though I have steady income from free-lance writing, I didn't do much with my life. I chose to shunt society and spent all of my time cooped up in my room watching anime and what not. That was the time when I started to drift apart from my friends.

Up until then I was living irresponsibly. I didn't give a damn about friends, or other people around me. In simpler words, I was behaving like an adolescence teenager. I thought that the whole world is against me. I blamed everything and everyone else when shit didn't go according to what I wanted. As far as I am concern, I was always right. I was selfish. And love? Pffft, I thought it was overrated which made me pushed everyone who genuinely cares about me away.

Honey and Clover made me mused on the concept of friendship and the meaning of life/love. There is no epic quest to fulfill, no convoluted conspiracy to unlock, no childhood friend to win over—it's just a bunch of college kids figuring out what to do with their lives, and since I was struggling to find my path in life at that time, I found the show more than fascinating. Watching Honey and Clover, in a way, kind of open my eyes of what I have been missing and helped me set my priorities straight.

When I think of Honey and Clover, the thing that comes to mind is this one word: LOVE.

Love another human being. In other words: fall in love.

Noticed that I didn't say "be loved". And that's in my opinion where the beauty of this show lies.

If you pay any attention, modern society nowadays is anti-love, and I was part of that society not too long ago. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone than otherwise because we rather take a microscope to everyone and bring out all their flaws and shortcomings. Honey and Clover makes me reevaluates all these.

The intricate relationship/friendship in Honey and Clover is to be admired. Friendship and love are the two main themes in Honey and Clover that I would probably remember till my memories failed me. The show is a great teacher for me personally when it involves in dealing with human and their feelings. It teaches me that trust needs to be earned, even among friends. It tells me that love comes in all sorts of forms. It is something that is not only inspiring but should be able to liberate yourself as well. We should never use love as an excuse to shackle ourselves down. Love, after all is what you make of it. Happiness, though not truly dependent on other people but yourself, is something that is best shared. That goes for heart aches and all other worldly worries too. These are the things that made us human after all, the ability to feel and think (respond) accordingly.

There is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. It's either you don't or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it. All the characters in this show are committed to their loves, regardless. Ayumi, Takemoto and Mayama are the great examples who showed us that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back (though it would definitely be great if it is). Rejection, though hurts like hell, is not the end of the world. Take the opportunity to let the value of that love itself to inspire you. After all, in the act of loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way.

So you see, through love (and to certain extend, through Honey and Clover as well), we celebrate being human...

That ladies and gentlewomen, are the reasons why Honey and Clover will remain as one of my most favorite anime of all time. If you haven't seen it yet, it is best that you take the time to watch it. It is just not another of your average slice-of-life anime. I promised.

TL;DR?

Though this post sounds cheesy as fuck, I am still glad that I write it. Just in the mood I guess...

Other posts for this project:
Remembering Love: Opposite Attractions in Lovely Complex
Remembering Love: Detroit Metal City

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Remembering Love: Detroit Metal City

When someone mentioned Detroit Metal City (DMC), one thing always come to my mind: the obscenity and the absurd amount of cussing. Both of which are the reasons why I freaking love this show. I mean, I. FUCKING. LOVED. IT! To some, it might be the exact reason why you hated it but hey, each to his/her own, though I personally think you are a retarded fuck who doesn't appreciate great humors.

(c) pixiv id 843933

DMC is something that is extraordinarily unique for me. I still have not seen any other anime who have the balls to do whatever the hell it wants, from cussing none stop to some very obscene scenes including dry humping the Tokyo Tower and showing babies burn in hell. It talks about rape and bondage in a very candid manners that might offended few people but does the show cares? NO. It gratifies itself by doing what any other anime considered taboo or inappropriate. When I said these two words, I don't mean incest, yaoi and yuri because Japanese animation never really lack any of those. What I was referring to is simply the crass route that it has chosen and god damn it, it freaking works.

Most of the cursing come from a single lady known as the President. I think she's awesome. She said fuck to everything and is very honest with how she feels (sounds familiar?). She dance to DMC with dripping cunt and get wet by just from listening to some of the songs. Her previews for the next episode are one of the things that I look forward to the most. It never stop to amuse me just how many cussing she can come up with. It's some sort of a feat in itself.

The characters of this shows are what makes it brilliant. The interactions between them were executed with perfect timing and wit. Aside from the few good characters like Aikawa and Negishi parents, all the other characters are morally corrupted. I mean, literally. There's no sugarcoating any shit.

And it shouldn't come as a surprised. As you can tell by now, there are lots of shits that are morally and ethically wrong in this show. An old masochist man working as bondage pig on the stage is one of the immoral things that you will see. You will see him wearing nothing but a leather spandex, with hands and feet both tied up. He was also gagged. It can be disturbing especially he really does looks like a fugly pig. You definitely want to unsee what you have just seen. Then there's the incident where Krauser fucking "rape" the policewoman in public and assaulted a cop.

After all, Krauser is a legend who killed his parent after he raped them and yet, he is adores by many.

That's how fucked up Detroit Metal City is. But I have only these to say:

GO TO DMC! GO TO DMC!


So I guess the reason I am writing this post, apart from participating in the Remember Love in the month of May project, it is also because I want to introduce this greatness to those who haven't seen it yet. WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING RETARDS? GO FUCKING WATCH IT NOW? GO MUG PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY TO BUY THE DVD!

Back in 2008, I also introduced this greatness to my minions at the office. Whenever new episode was out and ready for viewing, I used the meeting room and we watched it on the big screen using projectors. I managed to corrupt the minds of my minions and established myself as the fucking President. We ended up using all sorts of DMC reference that we have learned in the show in our everyday life and when we talked among ourselves. It even continues with my friends from the Gotei 13. This lasted for quite a while. Fun times indeed.

Like the President used to say: YOU WILL GET SO WET YOU WILL NEED DIAPERS! FUCK!

Other posts for this project:
Remembering Love: Opposite Attractions in Lovely Complex
Remembering Love: Loving Another Human Being in Honey and Clover 

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Remembering Love: Opposite Attractions in Lovely Complex

I thought that it was an interesting idea when I read Trazor's idea for the month of May of which we blog 4 posts for anime that we remember with love. He called it Remembering Love or something like that. I missed the first week but he reminded me of it which ends up with me writing this post.

Lovely Complex was released in the Spring of 2007. It has been 5 years and it remains as my first ever and perhaps the only shoujo anime that I can truly accept, enjoyed and even fall in love with. Not just with the story but with everything that has to do with it: the seiyuu, the studios even the pop OP and ED. I remember memorizing the lyrics of both the songs and became an overnight fan of the group. It is safe to say that I was (and still am) a fangirl of this show.

Yes, you read that right. I am a fangirl of this SHOUJO show.

So you see... I can enjoy shoujo too if it's done right.

Anyway,  if there is a theme for this show, it gotta be the contrast between the female and male protagonists. Koizumi Risa is a giraffe who always yearns for a boyfriend while Ootani Atshushi is the midget who doesn't give a damn about a girlfriend. All he's focusing on is his performance in the basketball team.

They are both at each other's throat since the beginning of the show, both can't stand each other but they completed each other, without them noticing it of course. Sometimes fate like to play with you, I guess. I mean, being called All Hanshin-Kyojin must have not feel to good for the two kids and only further fuel the animosity between them.

But don't ever underestimate the power of opposite attractions. They both make a pact to help each other find the other a boyfriend/girlfriend. Ootani to help pair Risa with Suzuki while Risa will help Ootani develop a relationship with Chiharu and few other females that appeared afterwards. All of these side characters definitely suited the main protagonists like a glove but they will end up just as a another boring couple.

Everyone but themselves can see that they are made for each other. However it's the journey of them both to get to term with their own feelings what interest me the most. It's great to see how they compromise and at the same time compliment each other being so opposite of each other.

It's complex but not really if you can find a common ground. Also, it doesn't have to be a love at first sight in order to make it successful. It's more of how you treated the other person as well as the honesty and effort that you put in.

That's what this show has taught me at least.

All my ex(s) are totally the opposite of me. While I'm strong will with bitchy personality to match, they are pretty meek and quite the loving types. However my relationship didn't works because I don't want to compromise at all, and did not put any effort to make it successful. I know I should probably learn a thing or two from Risa and Ootani but I believe that if it didn't happen, it wasn't meant to be. And if indeed I think I have found my Ootani, I am sure things will go accordingly without me having to force it.

Sometimes, fate works in a strange way too.

Other posts for this project:
Remembering Love: Detroit Metal City
Remembering Love: Loving Another Human Being in Honey and Clover 

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What kind of anime fan am I?

This is supposedly the second part of "About me" section. I have already described - or at least my friends did - how/who am I in person. I am sure you are an intelligent person to read between the lines. The conclusion is: I'm awesome as fuck. Heh, problem?

That section doesn't actually describe me as an anime fan though. So here I am making an attempt to figure out exactly that.

So what kind of anime fan am I? I never really asked myself this question before although I did encounter it a few times at other blogs. It sure got me thinking. In order to figure it out, I have to ask myself a few questions. I don't know how this will help answering that question but let's just do it anyway.

(c) krnkr721

First of all, I know for certain that I am the kind of anime fan that is easily influenced by either the characters or the originality of the whole story/plot. I wasn't that picky about story line when I first started watching anime because at that time, all anime that I watched were new to me. However as years gone by, the lack of originality becomes quite apparent and we are served with one cliche shit after the other, especially when it involved moe, ecchi and shoujo; three of the least favorite genres of anime for me.

What drives me as a fan?

Nowadays I can say for certain that I am a character driven fan. Whether or not I will enjoy the show now depends heavily on the characters. If there is even one character that I fall for, be certain that I would probably continue watching the anime albeit the story. Please take note though that when I said fall, I mean me falling head over heels in love with that said character and not just merely liking them. They motivates me like no other, not even a 3D, can. Through this, I also find myself shipping the characters and will invest a lot of emotions into those shipping as well.

What kind of characters I am in to?

I guess it is because of my personality but I am always attracted to strong-will and feisty female characters. If you look at my banner up there, you see four of the fives female characters that I have such high regards for. The other one is of course Shiki. As for males, the range is quite expandable and flexible. I love characters like Sakata Gintoki to Ichimaru Gin and everything in between except for a wuss-good-for-nothing characters.

What kind of genre that gets me excited?

8 years ago I would say shounen in a heart beat since two of my gateway anime are shounen. Since then however I have watched and read all kind of genres, even those that I am not a fan of, from mecha anime to yaoi and everything in between. As I mature as a fan though, I found myself switching genres. Thanks to Gintama, I now appreciate wicked witty humor. Any other anime that has even an ounce of Gintama awesomeness is good enough for me. The recent example would be Nichibros. Uncharacteristically for me, maybe, but I also enjoyed slice-of-life more so than any other genres nowadays. They are often time that brought something different to the table, something that I have never seen before, or was executed differently and brilliantly that it moved me. They also contains somewhat real emotions that I can relate to and sometimes, even hit too close for comfort. But if there is one genre that always gets me excited, it would be yaoi. No explanation needed.

What am I looking for in an anime?

My ideal anime would have three things: bad-ass protagonists, original storyline, awesome visual. (1) When I said bad-ass, it doesn't have to be RAAAWWRRRR I AM GAR! but rather he or she is great at doing what she does. A touch of vulnerability as well to make them feels human. (2) originality is always good in my book but I understand how hard it is to come up with something original which is why I appreciate their effort even more if they managed to do just that. (3) So far there are few production studios that awe me with their ability to provide stunning visual and it's one of the reason why I mostly enjoyed their anime more so than other studios. In my opinion, that set them apart from other studios.

How many anime am I watching at the same time?

I used to watch more than 30 anime at the same time when I was a hikki back then. Nowadays, I would consider myself to be extremely lucky if I manage to follow 3 anime per season. That is just how drastic some changes in my life are. I am constantly feeling bad about this but I am well aware that there is nothing much I can do about it. With age comes responsibility. FUCK.

What kind of traits do I have as an anime fan?

Hmm let see... (1) I hate dub. I can't stand watching any dubbed anime. This does not mean that I think Japanese seiyuu is superior. I just think that anime should stay Japanese. (2) I used to be a figuretard but because I keeps getting busier by the day, I have stopped buying figures because what's the use if I don't have time to appreciate them? (3) YAOI FTW!! (4) I buy anime DVD that I love but  I do download anime fansub because well... it's free. Call me a cheapskate and see if I give a fuck. (5) I guess that makes me a fansub elitist? (6) I often wish I am an anime character (7) I write fanfic

Do I have any fetishes resulted in watching anime?

Too many to count on both hands but the most prominent one is the development of megane (glasses) fetish. It even affecting my real life as I keep finding myself falling for the next guy I saw wearing a thick-rimmed megane. It just makes me heart goes doki-doki. HHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNGGH!

Does watching anime affecting my real life?

Yes, yes it does. It plays a big part that dictates my emotions in daily basis. It opens up endless possibilities in order for me to survive mundane everyday life.


And that's all folks. I can't think of any other questions that I should ask myself. Having answered the questions above, I am still unsure of what kind of anime fan I am. Having said that, I think I could draw a conclusion albeit not as accurately as I want it to be : I used to be an avid hardcore fan. Now I am in between casual and hardcore fan. To explain it in one sentence- I am a character driven fangirl who loves shipping and probably will get a bOnar at every single thing that excites me in anime.

Yep, that sounds about right ^_^

What about you?

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The Anime You'd Really Like To See

This post is inspired by ghostlining.

To be honest, I think I've seen the anime that I'd really like to see, or at least the anime that falls under the category of romance genre and that anime is none other than The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya. That movie perfected the genre in my opinion. It evokes the true meaning of pure bliss and it gives me immense satisfaction and from watching it (numerous times and counting).

But that defies the purpose of writing this post, isn't it? Unlike ghostlining who wanted to create an anime that contains a matter of religion, or animekritik whose anime is inspired by Daft Punk, my anime would pale in comparison.

The genres will includes all of these: horror, psychological, fantasy and action. There is only one production studio that can achieved what I have in mind and that is ufotable. I want the same people who works on Kara no Kyoukai and maybe some from Fate/Zero to work on this anime. See where this is going yet? I hope not because I don't want another cliche shit anime. It will be 27 episodes because 26 is too mainstream.

It would be the story of the immortals in modern days. They are another whole bunch of human races, created by God himself on the same day He created Adam and Eve. Their existence however have been kept secret and was even omitted in all religious books. They are God's muse, so-to-say for they have only one purpose on earth, to be the epitome of greed. God created them to be merciless and without compassion. A complete opposite of normal human being.

Though immortals, they are not without weakness. Ironically, greed is what their weakness is. Temptation to have greater power will eventually be the cause of their death. Each of these immortals come with special power. Some power are weaker than the others. They killed the others to gain their power but they have a hefty price to pay. The process of gaining the power is not for the faint-hearted for it feels like your innards are being eaten inside out. There is no word that could describe the magnitude of the pain they have to endure. Many failed and succumb to death on their first try and those who succeed were too scared to try it again. Only few who are brave enough to endure those pains over and over again and thus became the powerful ones, as they developed skills to be a better hunter. So the weak hide from the one who are far more powerful than they are. To this day, less than 50 immortals remains and they are still hunt each others down to gain that possibility of being on the same par as the God himself, because if s/he succeed, he basically have all God's power except for creating a living thing out of nothing.

how I picture of of the female protagonist
(c) risa hibiki

There will be at least 7 immortals that the anime will focusing on. 3 females and 4 males, all of the same age and since it's anime, they will all be late teens. They blend in perfectly in society. They indulge in whatever normal humans do but if there's one thing they do best, that is to keep their secret a secret. If the world learned about it, they just have to kill the whole world, if you know what I mean. They are the wisest. After all they have survived how many thousands of years? These 7 immortals will hunt the each other as well as the other immortals and I'm still undecided whether to let one succeed or not but at least a lot of the immortals will be brutally murdered.

The first episode will be the introduction of those said immortals. It may take up to an hour long. Then the following 3 episodes will be of the back story of the immortals with snippets from different times and eras. That leave 23 episodes for hardcore greatness. Of course all the gruesome deaths, murders and killing will be glorified. Censorship is NOT allowed. The process of gaining those power will be in miniscule details. They may be lots of talk but I will balance it out with lot of actions too. As you can probably figured out by now, the anime would be dark as fuck.

And there you go, the anime that I'd really like to see. What do you think of it?

Oh did I mention that only Kalafina is allowed to the both the OP and ED? I still hasn't figure out the seiyuu though but that can wait :)

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Life without Gintama isn't a life worth living

If you have never watched Gintama, or even heard of it, you have committed one of the most grievous sins. Change that! Start watching it now! Gintama can save your soul. Trust me on this one. It is after all THE GREATEST ANIME ever!

Before you said anything, continue reading about what I have to say about it.

(c) pixiv id 236246

If there is one thing that makes me frustrated, it's when people keep saying that they can't watch Gintama because of the number of episodes it has. I mean, what kind of a fucking lame excuse is that? If Sougo hear this, he'll hunt you down and fucking tortured you to death because he is one sadistic bastard and I love him so much.

First of all, it only has (as of the moment I write this) 239 episodes. That is considered little if compared to other shounen jump anime like Naruto, Bleach and the father of them all, One Piece. You don't even have to watch it in one go. In fact, Gintama is at it's best when you savor it. To tell you the truth, I am not up to date with the episodes either. I purposely not catching up to it so that I have Gintama episodes reserved when I feel like killing random people, and then some babies.

And then there's people who used the excuse of "it's a comedy and I don't watch comedy". Well fuck that. You obviously didn't know what you were talking about and made the mistake of judging the book by it's cover. There is no show that have such depth as Gintama. It discussed anything and everything from alien invasion to cotton candy.

So seriously, you need to have Gintama episodes on your hard disk or anywhere that is accessible for you 24/7. I don't need to repeat myself because I already told you why you MUST watch this show by hook or by crook. You will find non stop amusement, from the episode title to the pace of the show. Let's be honest now, we all need "that".

However, I can forgive you if you didn't watch the show but is reading the manga instead. Hideaki Sorachi is a fucking genius either way. It is simply brilliant. I mean just look at these quotes for example

I won’t give my panties to men who won’t even expose their face. If you want, challenge me from the front without the mask on. Set your heart free from the panties!
- Shimura Otae

Let’s dye white briefs with new blood!
- Kagura

Gintoki… even if I fall into the earth, you’ll catch me again, and… I’ll fly as many times as I want into space…
- Sakamoto Tatsuma

You won't be getting shit like these from anywhere else. Gintama is an honest comedy with moments that will convert you into a Gintamard for life.

I implore you. Gives this show a try and see how your world as you know it changed before your eyes. There are Gintamards and then there are everyone else.

p/s: The first few episodes were kinda slow but once it pick up, you'll be at the edge of your seat trying not to fall down from laughing too much.

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My Top 10: Things I want to do before I die

As of late, I have been thinking a lot about dying. I'm not sure why but thinking about death is a good motivation. It will help you focus and let you be appreciative of what you have though I wasn't good at any of that at all. In fact, when I think of dying, I wonder why am I still breathing at the moment. LOL suicidal much?

(c) Laphet

It's not like my life is depressing, well... at time it does, but overall I think I have a good life. I have a job (of which I can't wait to get out of from) and pursuing my dream like I'm still 17 years old. In between that, I still have time for anime which also mean I have almost zero social life. Well, what do you expect when my jerk lives 2 states away from me. I moved to be where he is and then BAM! his company send him to where I came from which just frustrates the both of us. Distance will always be an issue for us I guess *shrugs*

Anyway, I'm deviating. I was talking about death earlier, wasn't I? As some of you probably knew, I was diagnosed with a breast tumor late last year. I got one removed from my left breast earlier this year and since the lump in my right breast is benign, the doctor decided to let it be but I have to do an annual check up just to make sure that it stays benign. The possibility of me having cancer is more than 30%. Might not sound like much but it hit you right in the gut. To be honest, when I think of how I would die, I always thought that I'll be dying by some incurable disease. I guess God send a warning that he can make my wishes comes true?

(c) Kakesu

A year has gone by and it is only recently that I thought of things that I want to do/accomplish before I say goodbye to this lonely world. Who would have thought that making this list is sort of depressing and kind of liberating? Apparently there isn't that many things that I want to do, or perhaps, most of it I have already done/accomplished/achieved. Here are the only things that I can think of:

1. Fall deeply in love - helplessly and unconditionally married to Jaja
2. Make love on a forest floor Have at least 1 kid
3. Visit the countries that I am fascinated with ever since I was a child and learn their language as well: Germany and Japan and recently Seoul (I know its the capital city of South Korea).
4. Open my own pastry shop
5. Becomes a novelist and complete the novels that I've started years ago

And that is all. I'm such a simpleton, no? I'm not as greedy as I thought I was. If I have all that then I'll die the happiest and most grateful person in the world.

On the other hand, my rather illogical things that I want to do (granted that I have infinite amount of money all of a sudden) would be:

1. Visits all my Gotei and Twitter friends around the world
2. Buy myself a bishie, one for each month I get to live
3. Buy the rights for Bleach so I can write it the way I wanted it
4. Buy Super Junior from SM Entertainment and keep them to myself (tempted to write orgy)
5. Produce the best anime by investing in my fav studios: ufotable and A-1 Pictures.

And that 5+5 is 10 things I want to do before I die. Have you given a thought of what you want to do so that you live your life with no regrets? And have you given a thought of how you want your death to be like? Would you rather have a painless death but alone and miserable or an agonizing death but surrounded by your love ones?

(c) Makai no Juumin

As for me, I don't really care as long as it won't caused too much pain to the people I left behind. But then again, they would probably throw a party at my departure lol.

p/s: damn insomnia.

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Does size matters? (NSFW)

I have taken a break for few months but I did not forget about the challenge so here I am resuming my top ten list for "does size matters?"

This one is definitely a challenge. How the fuck am I supposed to list 10 of... whatever the fuck he was referring to which I'm gonna assumed is men's penis. After some thorough thinking I have decided to not make any list. Instead I am going to answer the question from my point of view (bear in mind that I am a virgin and have never seen a man's analog stick (except that of shouta) in real life). I am going to base my answer on general knowledge and my understanding.

To me personally, it won't matter much since the only analog stick I'm gonna see for the rest of my life is that of my husband's so there is no way for me to make a comparison. I guess I just have to be satisfied with whatever package that I got.

*chuckles* damn, writing this is fun. And funny.

http://bit.ly/dRm80f

It's not about the physical equipment anyway. As long as it's not under 4.0 inches erect, it's all good in my book. Besides, it's all depends on how you put it into practice. If the method of delivery is beyond satisfaction, then there's no reason for complains, right? Instead I will sing praises all night long. I promise.

Skill > Size.

Sex positions aren't just for shows.

Just because you are tall, doesn't mean you will be a good basketball player. Get it?

But of course, some women disagree with me and they are speaking from experiences. Who am I to argue. Also, logically speaking, size does matters. You can't ask elephant to drive an elk.

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Some of the reasons why friends drifted apart

I don't have that many friends to begin with and I am totally find with it.

When I said friends, I mean people that I can share my feelings with, someone that connects with me. I know a lot of people nowadays thanks to the nature of my work but I won't call them friends, more like acquaintances. Sure we hang out sometimes but we don't really bother to know each other that well. It was all for the sake of being polite and civilized.

Those who I call my friends are mostly friends from highschool. They are the best kind, and I'm sure you'll agree. However, the number of friends I have kinda keep on decreasing over the past 4 years or so. Why? Here are some of the reason why I figured we have become detached to each other.

1. They get a girlfriend/engaged/married.

(c) Aeonu

Since majority of my friends are males (I only have 2 girl friends), when they started dating, automatically our friendship kinda take the back seat. Their girlfriends get jealous and I don't even know why. If I want their boyfriends, I would have them submit to me since the beginning, right? So when they get engaged and then married, we just drifted apart further. I don't want to be the cause of their problem so *shrugs*.

2. We no longer make the same amount of money

(c) Riku Yama

This reason pissed me off the most. Why must people feel inferior/superior with how much money they are making? I admit that I am kinda lucky in terms of my career and shit but that does not define who I am as a person. So when they throw that in my face, I was dumbfounded. They kinda made it feel like it was my fault that we drifted apart just because I am making more money. Fuck that, you assholes.

3. We get busy

(c) zouni

Either with work or life. In my case, both. I hardly have time for myself anymore. I missed being (not) a (total) NEET. I do try my best though to meet my friends when I do have time to spare. In fact, next week I'm going to travel up north to meet a friend that I haven't met since January and the week after that I'm going on a trip with few of my friends. As for my friends, they already started their own family and some even have children of their own. Our priorities have shifted.

4. I changed job.

(c) cuson

I used to work from home so I have a lot of time to spare. Since I switched job, being the devil's advocate and such, naturally I have to commit myself, especially if you kinda owned the company. I am practically doing three jobs atm. I still write as a free lancer, my dress-making business is still on and of course there's my full-time job. It's a crazy life.

5. Our holidays no longer match

(c) yanX-zhen

Because we have different jobs and priorities, we hardly get tto meet up during our holidays. Even during EID, we didn't get to visit each other. It is sad really especially when I remembered the many vacations that we took before.

6. I rather spend my time watching anime and writing

(c) zouzou

I was a sociable person back in my early twenties. Then as I got more into anime I have become less sociable. When I was working from home, I pretty much caved myself inside my room and immersed myself with anime/manga at every opportunity, that or I write. Now I'm used to that kind of lifestyle so unless I am coaxed (read: forced) to sacrifice my anime watching and writing time, you won't see me socializing much.

That's why some of my friends argued that anime has changed me. Well, touche. If they have their children, then I have my anime. Right? I'msorite.

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Why do I go crazy for anime?

Have you seen Disappearance yet? It was fucking AWESOME!!
(c) mcr

Isn't anime just another form of cartoon? Instead of made by the Americans, they are made by the Japanese. Whats the difference? What makes anime so special?

What most people don't understand is, like any other hobbies or interest, once you are "into" it, you will understand the depth that goes with it.

Becoming a fan of anime goes deeper than just enjoying the "cartoons". It becomes part of your lifestyle. You can feel the addiction for it running through you veins. You can't wait to get home from the office just so you get to watch the latest episode of Bleach, even though you already know it will sucks ball.

I dunno about anyone else, but it kinda give me a purpose. I feel fulfilled. You might laugh at that statement and called me shallow or someone who doesn't have a fucking life. Well, maybe you're right but you know what? I don't give a rat ass? At least I'm doing what I want and that makes me happy.

Kyon makes me very happy indeed ^_^
(c) sato unta

It invokes all these feelings that I usually stored and locked away when dealing with real life. The last time I cried, it was because of a manga. And before that it was because of the anime. I cried when Kyon almost got killed by Yuki. I cursed when Kubo fucked up Bleach, I laughed my ass off watching Gintoki and I got excited at the thought that we are going to have a second season of Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu and Working!! soon. Real life events don't move me as much as anime/manga did. In fact I usually found myself got so freaking bored dealing with every day life. If you really know me in real life, you would probably question whether or not I have a heart. You'll either think that I am a heartless bitch or that I just don't care about anything at all. I'm not even kidding about this. See my face? I'm dead serious at the moment ^w^

The truth is, in real life, I'm the coolest bitch you'll ever met. I don't take offense easily. You can say shit to my face and I would probably just laughed with you. Sure I have a temper but I usually save that one up for my writings. When I'm upset I usually bottled it all inside. I know it's unhealthy. That's why I think anime/manga save my life. I only allowed myself to be completely loose and vulnerable when I watch/read anime/manga. That is why I think they play such a big part in my life. Otherwise, I would probably spend thousands of dollars for therapy or worst, wearing the straight jacket.

Normal people don't understand this. I don't expect them to be. None of my friends (the real life ones) watch anime or have any understanding about my "hobby". They think that I'm too old for all of these. Instead of wasting my time with anime, manga and figurines, they think that I should have get married, have kids and basically grow the fuck up. Too bad that I am not a typical person or I would have succumb to the pressure. I'm turning 30 next year and so far although I'm in a relationship, I don't think we are going to hear wedding bells anytime soon. What's the rush? There is still so much that I want to have/achieve. Besides, being married does not mean that you'll end up happy. I have so many examples that I can choose from but why bother. You can find the statistic on the net.

I'll get marry tomorrow if I can find myself a Kyon =3
(c) ia

So back to anime, what is so special about the Japanese made "cartoons" that made me an addict? First, lemme say that I have a fascination with Japan. If you don't read Malaysian history, lemme educate you. The Japanese had at one time (during the World War II) invaded us so I kinda learned about them ever since they taught us about them in history class. Just like my fascination with Hitler and the Ku Klux Klan, I was captivated. Till date Germany and Japan are probably the two countries I want to visit the most with Switzerland in third place. But lets not get side track. The fact that these anime was made by the Japanese are enough to keep me interested.

Second, the language. It just another different feelings when I get to to watch an anime that doesn't speak English or Malay. It gives this foreign and cool vibes to it. That is why I ignore anything that is dubbed. I feel like the anime has lost its originality and virginity when it gets the dubbed treatment. Maybe this feeling was stemmed so early in my childhood after watching all those Malay dubbed Doraemon anime *shudders*. But yeah, the language is cool as fuck. I want to learn Japanese and Dutch before I die. Maybe I could marry someone who is fluent at it :P

Third, the presentation. It feels like watching a real life drama gets animated. Cartoons are usually targeted for children but I feel like anime have totally different audience. Sure they are still few of the anime that are child-oriented but most of them are made for adults. It just made anime more relevant to a person like me. That is why I was able to pour my heart and soul into it. Not to mention that they have all these range of genres. You just have to pick your favorite and enjoy it to your heart's content.

Fourth: the fact that thanks to anime, I got to meet the coolest people on earth whether through facebook or my blog. I think I am able to stay this passionate about anime is because I have someone that I spazz and be a nerd with. At last I found someone else who gets me, who share the same interest and opinion about some of the anime. We might have different taste but when it comes to passion, we are all equal. Thanks to these people, my life is less lonely.

Reason number five: I think I know myself better thanks to anime. I kinda surprised myself with all these new discoveries about what I like and don't like. For example, who would have thought that I will be obsessed with yaoi? Okay scratch that, everyone probably see that one coming. But yeah, anime kinda teach me a lot of things about myself. It let me explore feelings and thoughts that I normally won't even bother to acknowledge. Sometimes it was so contrary to real life that I found it so damn funny how irony it all were.

an obligatory picture for a BL fan like me XD
(c) hagiri

Last but not least, anime serves as an escapism for me. I am a Pisces so it was second nature to me to escape from real life and just imagine whatever the fuck I want. I write a lot but it wasn't enough. This is where anime comes in handy. I let myself get lost in whatever episode I'm watching. It feels cool as fuck. I can pick out any dream I want and be part of it. Awesome. It has become my endless source of amusement and inspiration.

(c) iwashi

So yeah, tl;dr. I am just in a mood to write something. This by no means a measuring stick. It is just how I feel about anime. If you can relate to it, then I'm glad to know you. If you don't, I hope one day you'll get it.

End note: Go watch the Disappearance movie. I'm gonna see it for the fifth time after I posted this.

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Random post about blogging

psst! these are boys!
(c) minari

No, this post is not about shouta that look like girls. This post is random because I feel like posting something random today thus the pictures are random too.

If you think the following questions look familiar, because it is. This post has been sitting in my draft since February after I read it at That Anime Blog. Bare in mind that these answered questions are supposedly to help the newbie about blogging. I don't know if I'm experience enough to give advices but I thought he asked some interesting questions that got me thinking so here I am mooching on his idea.

• Why did you start blogging?
  Initially this was a personal blog. I write about anything and everything that I think is interesting. Not for others to read but to express myself better. The posts were far in between. At some point last year I realized that I enjoyed writing about anime and manga the most and love talking about anime and manga with fellow bloggers of the same interest. So now my blog is definitely anime oriented.
  

sometimes it is yaoi/BL oriented too
(c) Robert

• What influenced the development of your own blogging style?
  I don't think I have one except maybe that I am always honest about the feelings that go into a post hence why some of the posts have more profanities than the others. The blog is called Conspicuous Klux for a reason.
  


• Do you have a personal philosophy, motto, or focus for your blogging?
  This blog is for leisure only and as an outlet for me to spasm. I don't force myself to come up with new post everyday. I write about whatever I want whenever I want though most of it ended up being about anime. This blog is still personal to me so I'm going to make sure it stays that way.
  

• What would you say is the most important skill for a new blogger to develop?
  Passion because it will translate into your post. Blog because you want it, not because you are following a trend. Also make sure that your post has added value or personal touch to it.


• What’s the one thing a new blogger should avoid?
  Caring too much about hits.
  

• If you could give one sentence of advice to a new blogger, what would it be?
  If you find blogging is boring or tiring, chances are nobody would want to read your blog either.

• Char warned us about the ‘mistakes caused by youth.’ What was your biggest newbie mistake?
  I honestly don't think I made any mistake because my blog is not to cater to the public. No regrets.
  

just as long as you enjoy yourself, threesome is fine too XD
(c) soejima shigenori

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Jumping off from a window is not an option

I am in a totally shitty mood at the moment. The fact that I am not feeling too well just made my mood crappier if that is even possible. I need to let few things out of my chest and like I've said this is the only place that I can be totally honest. So here I go, another random post. It's either I do this or jump off from my window, which definitely won't kill me thus making me more depressed.

(c) numeri

1. I can say that I am the happiest when I'm alone, with no string attached to anyone. Even when someone said that they like me, I would totally take those words as a joke, just so that I won't have to face the emotional burden that will come with it.

2. When people telling me that they are serious, that's when I will go down the road of being emotionally unstable. I'm not the kind of person who will said no when presented with such situation. The only answer I can give is yes, just so that I won't hurt the other party. I was in a relationship for four years because I can't say no. Needless to say we both suffered. He more so than I because I'm the one who fucked it up just so he can let me go. Well, surprised surprised my plan backfired -__-

3. I think I'm a chaser. I like the thrill of it even if it ends up with nothing. At least I know I have given my all and there is nothing left that I can do. I don't take that as a negative, just another experience in my life that help me realized that you don't always end up with everything that you want though we usually ended up being the best of buddies. So it's awesome.

4. When the contrary happened, I just feel so freaking tired. Hell, it was damn exhausting. Most probably because I feel an obligation to do my part. Maybe I feel this way because I was forcing my heart to accept certain facts in life that my head has conjured up. It's not easy. Maybe one of these days I'll get the hang of it.

5. I have a totally screwed up way of being romantic, or to be in love. Typical is no way in hell describes how I perceived those things. If you expect some lovey dovey moment, you better off with someone else. I'm just not programmed to do those things, or maybe I just build up a freaking shield just to protect myself emotionally. *shrugs*

6. Those who have taken interest in me are usually very close to me, i.e. they are my friends who understand how I operate which is bizarre because I'm so like Haruhi in term of personality. So kudos to these guys for putting up with my shit *chuckles*I "love" you guys

7. The word "I love you" is something that I have only uttered once (and totally mean it too) in my 29 years of life. I take those three words very seriously. Saying that is like making myself vulnerable i.e. the possibility for me to get hurt just got higher. I don't like that. So, you know I'm damn serious with you if you heard me saying that. Unless of course if I was joking around with you XD

8. I have been in and out of a relationship with this one guy since I was 15. It has going on for almost 15 years. I dunno how we both put up with the other's shit but amazingly, we both saw passed that and pretty much live in the moment. Obviously we both have something against commitment hence why we haven't settling down yet. Not to mention that we both live a busy life with close to 400km separating us. Or maybe he's just not that into me. LOL

9. I've been having an open and long distance relationship status for five years now. Is it working out? It has in the past but at the moment, I'm not too sure though I still love to keep my options open.

10. Someone very wise said that I am only making up excuses and run away from committing myself because I am selfish and do not want to get out of my comfort zone. He was obviously right but am I ready to change? That's the million dollar question at the moment. But I'm not getting any younger, am I?

11. Having said all that, I have a very ironic dream of wanting to be a wife and a mother to my children. *facepalm*

Hah, I feel so much better. Less suicidal. Heh. Now I'm in the mood to chase the love of my life whose serial number is 8177.

28.

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An entry from a deprived blogger who just writes whatever that comes to her mind

As you probably notice, I'm not much of a blogger nowadays due to work. Have you seen my diary for the second week of June? It's pathetic. That's how much work has keep me busy. I barely has time for anything else. Not even a date.

Speaking of which, that was a lie. I went on a date several times since the last couple of weeks. Sometimes with the same guy, sometimes with someone else. I like options.

Sadly though it still lacking something profound. Something that is capable of sweeping me off of my feet. That small thing that may just make me say yes, for real. For life.

You know who I would say yes too without even have to think about it? The guy who made this rifle gun out of lego. I mean... from fucking LEGO!! How freaking awesome is that? It's none-lethal but still... I doubt any normal people could do this:

I'm such a nerd =3

But yeah, lets get real. Someone like him would probably be gay.

Which leave me with other options. I have listed my candidate waifu and I'm gonna stick to it. I probably gonna add a couple more candidates though like

Takanashi Souta

The fact that he's willing to crossdress and look hot in it just turn me on. But that's not all. My love for him goes deeper than that. I mean, what other man is GAR enough to be a punching back for an androphobic girl? No one. Not even Kamina. And he's good with the housework. Perfect to a T.

Orihara Izaya

Izaya is just too awesome for words, man. And he reminds me a lot of Gin and god knows how much I want to get into Gin's pantsu right?

Seeing these two guys, one in a dress and looking so rapeable, there's one word that comes to mind: yaoi. Yes, I am a big fan of any kind of love as long as it involved human being and not some alien dickhead or a cow.

Man wearing a cow suit on the other hand is totally acceptable ^_^

Yaoi is appealing to me like yuri is appealing to guys I guess. Don't ask why but something about BL seems so forbiddingly romantic. I'm a sucker for that. Not to mention that in the 2D world that I'm living in, all the guys who are so into each other are either hot or damn hot. Even if they look feminine, they are so rapeable hot. Who can resist that? I surely can't.

You know what would be funny? If Glo, in his quest not to masturbate and save the world from destruction for 30 days, cum when he take a look at this


Actually, it won't be funny. It would mean the end of this fucking world. Fuck, what have I done? =\

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I read a quote from Kurt Cobain and I started writing. Somehow the post turned out like this.

"Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all."
Kurt Cobain

None the wiser imo. That sentences fit perfectly with where I am at in my life right now. I get fucked hard, everyday, thanks to my work and life in general. Sometimes I am not even sure if I am still a virgin.

JOHO is doing well. We are opening a concept store soon and is preparing the final ingredients for our new office, which located in front of the Tebrau Strait. That's the beach baby! We got the best sunset view everyday (granted that it's not raining)!

So yeah, despite the sunset, despite the best location, despite that I love my job, despite that I have fun everyday doing it, I still feel like work fucked me hard because I barely have time for everything else. It has taken a toll on my almost non-existence relationship and it caused back log on my anime and manga.

Though it is looking a tad better as the day progresses I still feel kinda incomplete. Those who are close to me noticed the subtle changes. I am more depressed than usual which is not a good thing (not that getting depressed will ever be a good thing). When I'm depressed, that means I will be on my foul mood 24/7 which will lead me to shunt society.


I sacrifice my sleep so that I can watch an episode of anime, or a chapter of manga. However the dosage is still too low for it to be effective. I sneaked in few DVD at the office, and watch them whenever I got the chance but since I tend to rant when I watch an episode, keeping it a secret is nearly an impossible task.

*sigh*

I wonder sometimes whether it was wise of me to sacrifice my hikki for this kind of a more productive life if it just made me more miserable.

I miss my Kensei. I miss my Shishimaru. I miss my Michael. I miss my Kitsune. I miss the time where I can spend a whole day doing nothing but pay attention to what Kyon was mumbling about. I want those days back.

That thought got me to think, or realized at the moment that my happiness really does depends on the anime/manga that I am watching or reading, and most certainly heavily relies on the characters that I am in love with. I can't be in a long lasting relationship because the kind of romance I'm in is nothing compared to the kind of romance Shiki has, or Haruhi, or Rukia. Or at least the person I was dating is so unlike Gin, or Morita or Otani.

Yes, I know. I am comparing a real person with an anime character.

That is how far gone I am.

Do I want it any other way? I am not sure anymore. For example, I canceled a date for two nights in a row because I am content with the fact that I can used that time catching up with my anime. I just spent 3 hours watching Giant Killing and Tatsumi kinda sooth my aching heart with his awesomeness. I doubt the person that I am supposed to go to a date with will have that same effect on me.

I derived a lot of happiness from a single fanart like this. Thanks Cosmo.

So yeah, I dunno why am I writing all of these shit really. I guess I just want to tell you that this is me. Weird and retarded I may be. You may or may not like who I am but I don't give a flying fuck.

Who are you to tell me that happiness is something else?

By the way, I have decided. I want to marry the waifu for real, starting with Grimmjow. That is of course if Glo has nothing against poligamy.

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Anime and sexual deviation

This post is an answer to what Ningyo is asking in his recent post on youth and sexual breakthrough. I think it is too long to post on his comment box.

I guess I'm not affected much by it as a kid since the anime that I was watching as a kid were mainly comprised of dragon ball and Doraemon.

It is only in my late teen that I seriously got back to watching anime again. That's when I learned what hentai means, and the existence of several ero-manga websites. Do I get turned on by the 2D characters doing sexual stuff? Well, sometimes I do but most of the time I am just looking at it as if I am learning something from a text book. It was all very technical. To this day, I am way more comfortable watching 2D hentai than watching real life porn.


The sexuality theme in anime nowadays has indeed goes to another whole different level compared to those of 10 years ago. Just look at the amount of ecchi shows in every season to see the proof. They are getting bolder, destroying the taboo wall of incestship, robotic deviants etc. It creates more weird fetishes than I care to imagine.


One way or the other, for better or for worse, anime kinda makes me more acceptance of yaoi and yuri. I have no problem with people who swing that way. I think they have the liberty to choose their own orientation. It just happens to be that I am comfortable being with a guy more than with a girl so I guess I'm straight as a board (pun intended). I also found out that I am more fascinated with yaoi than with yuri. Kinda like guys-are-more-comfortable-with-yuri-than-yaoi sort of thing. I am not fit to be labeled as an obsess yaoi fan yet but is very close to.

I found salvation when I look at the bishounen characters. They created this ideal image in my head of a perfect guy: funny and nerdy with a pinch of badassery. Obviously a chance of a real life person to have those traits is close to zero but as long as there is a small percentage that there might be someone just like that, I don't mind waiting ^^

Trap? bring it on!

It also set the base or idea of the kind of romantic rendezvous that I am willing to be a part of. The normal relationship bores me to death. I want adventures and sparks in my romance hence why my relationships didn't last long. I need someone who can excites me. That's why that a pinch of badassery is a must!


Anime also provides a sort of conformity, a sense of confidence that I can be whoever I wanted to be, without allowing opinions of others get to me because I see how Konata or Shiki or Haruhi get away with being who they really are. Inspirational indeed.

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Friends

I have been thinking about this a lot. I have friends who most of the times I called assholes (but they love me anyway) but only few one that I called my best friends. I have a rather nasty personality, you see. I rather do not have friends than making friends with people I cannot tolerate.

Lets make a list of THAT people

1. Those who cannot keep up with what I am talking about
2. Those who listen only to their own voice, which most of the time are annoying as fuck
3. Annoying fucker
4. Hypocritical bastard

edit: thanks to GuyShalev, I got the right word ^^

See, I don't ask for too much, right? And see why I rather stay inside of my room than having a social life? I have no social skillz and is guaranteed to piss people of.

In real life, I am just terrible when it comes to making friends with females. More often than not, I just don't get them because well, they are usually have all the four traits that I listed above.

I grew up surrounded by boys and have more guy friends than girls (only 2) during my school years and none of females when I was in college. It kinda influenced me a lot when it comes to choose a female friend. I tend to be close with females who have the same characters as the 2D characters that I prefer. The kind of girl that I would have no hesitation to have a gay relationship with ^^

Speaking of which, I got a love letter yesterday from a female. I dunno where did she gets the idea that I swing that way XD

Anyway, here is the list of females (in no particular order) that would be great as my best friends.

Konata Izumi

It would be fun to have Konata around. Anime and manga are a big part of my life and Konata is a real otaku. Finally I would have a friend to spasm and be a nerd with. Not to mention that she's funny. Om nom nom =3

Haruhi Suzumiya

Who doesn't wants to be friend with Haruhi is just fucking retarded imo. She's the ultimate chick in my book and if I was born a male, I would already have a huge b0nar right now. There would be no more dull moment in my life. She and I are alike in a sense that we shouldn't allowed to feel bored. I tend to be in a very foul mood when I'm bored and Haruhi kinda like that too, isn't she? Together we would create chaos of massive scale. I would manipulate her and makes her wanting what I want. Haruhi is just full of badassery.

Misaka Mikoto

Having an electromaster as a friend would be pretty useful I think. But that's entirely not why I want to be her friend. I think we would just click if we are to meet in real life. I can ignore her fetish with cute stuff. We would giggles and what not when we talk about our crush. I need someone like her to share my deepest secret. She's righteous and would help out a friend without hesitation. Besides, she can kick your fucking ass.

Nagi

She's a fucking god! What other reason could I give? Oh yeah, there are the charming and naive factors about her. Just like Jin, I feel the need to protect her from harm. She's also so effing sexy.

Isurugi Noe

She can forget about Shin, that asshole. She's a weirdo and I think that's why I like her in the first place. I think the both of us have a lot in common. I may not seem like it but I am a combination of fragile/sturdy when it comes to matter of the heart/feelings. I have seen how she deals with her problem and I commend her for it. Shin does not deserves her. And then, there is that hot brother of her ^_^

Kuchiki Rukia

You wouldn't think that I forgot about Rukia, did you? She's rich and has a strong personality. She does not depends on the people around her. She's tough although she might not looks like it and delicate at the same time. She's exactly like her zanpaktou's element. Snow can't do much? Wait till there's a blizzard or a fucking avalanche XD

Ryougi Shiki

Having an assassin as a friend is pretty badass. I can rely on her to decapitate people that get on my nerves (that's half of the world population - and always females). I can trust her to keep my secret too since she doesn't talk much to begin with. She would also be fun to hang out with because I'll make sure she will brings Mikiya too.

Kageyama Torako

She's outgoing, bold and mischievous. That is a great combination imo. She would be the one who will break the ice whenever we are in an awkward situation. She's also a straight forward girl, just like I am and we would get along just fine being ourselves. As a bonus, she also has the coolest brother ever, who is pretty much reminds me of Ichimaru Gin *faps*

Just imagine the 9 of us sitting at one table, hanging around and what not. We would have so much fun. We won't be needing guys to keep us company because we have each other.

That sounds cliche as fuck.

Having said that, things are kinda turn for the better lately though. I am still socially awkward at times but most of the time, I think I handle myself quite well when I met with a bunch of new people, particularly females. Part of it because of work but I still put quite a distance when it comes to people who are walking around with a dick instead of a head.

I dunno for what reason did I make this entry. I just need to vent I guess. So I apologize if this is too long. You can tl;dr if you want. I don't mind. My statistic sucks anyway *slits wrist*

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