Welp, looks like we are having this conversation again after so many years. Well 2 years and 3 months to be exact. The last time I wrote about my crush, I was in a different state of mind where I know it can be nothing more than just that, a crush.
So many shits are at stake and me being me, I let everything go. And I do mean everything, for the sake of entertaining this crush I have.
It all started almost a month ago. One day he's just a kid that I don't give a shit about, the next moment he's this prince charming that I just can't seem to resist at all. If that wasn't crushing, I dunno what is.
This is real story bro, I am NOT making this up. The relationship between my jerk and I, it's pretty complicated, and only we understood how it worked. First of all, it's a long distance relationship (like most of my relationship are) since it's convenience for both of us. When I said we don't give a fuck about each other, I totally mean it. We met once in every 2-3 months. You figured that we would talk on the phone a lot right? Well, NO. We are both married to our work and that's that. I don't even care if he has an affair. I understand that man has needs.
And thus, he understood that I have needs to be fulfilled too.
So we broke off the engagement. Well, at least I did. Since I realized I have this crush on this guy, I have completely fallen out of love with my jerk. Instead of putting more effort into that relationship, I rather entertain my feelings for this guy. It's reckless as fuck but I know if I don't do this I will regret it and I don't do regrets.
I am not oblivious though. Given my age, there's nothing much I can do about this crush of mine. I understand the risk involved and I don't expect him to reciprocate my feelings either. Like I said, I have no expectation hence I won't be disappointed. I have calculated and am mentally prepared for everything. Besides, if it is just a crush, and I leave it be just like that, it will wear itself off as the time goes by. That was what happened to my first crush as well.
This is so mature of me, right? XD
I am not sure whether or not he knows. I think he knows otherwise he wouldn't lead me on. Urgh damn shouta, playing with fujoshi's heart...
But damn I missed him in all of my waking hours and let him in my dream when I'm asleep. I understand why girls give up their virginity now LOL
Crushing is bliss. It makes me feels like a teenager heh but I'll keep my chastity belt on. That is not negotiable.
p/s: So I guess you can't be in love with two different person at the same time. I tried but failed.