06 July 2012

Light Writings: Crush II

Welp, looks like we are having this conversation again after so many years. Well 2 years and 3 months to be exact. The last time I wrote about my crush, I was in a different state of mind where I know it can be nothing more than just that, a crush.

So many shits are at stake and me being me, I let everything go. And I do mean everything, for the sake of entertaining this crush I have.

It all started almost a month ago. One day he's just a kid that I don't give a shit about, the next moment he's this prince charming that I just can't seem to resist at all. If that wasn't crushing, I dunno what is.

datfeel >////>
The timing really sucks though because I am supposed to get married like... this Saturday (LMAO I am not even kidding about this). 7th July 2012 is the date my jerk has picked for our wedding day but since neither of us give a fuck, we made no preparations at all. I think I was saved by the bell, or in this case, by this new crush of mine. 

This is real story bro, I am NOT making this up. The relationship between my jerk and I, it's pretty complicated, and only we understood how it worked. First of all, it's a long distance relationship (like most of my relationship are) since it's convenience for both of us. When I said we don't give a fuck about each other, I totally mean it. We met once in every 2-3 months. You figured that we would talk on the phone a lot right? Well, NO. We are both married to our work and that's that. I don't even care if he has an affair. I understand that man has needs.

And thus, he understood that I have needs to be fulfilled too.

So we broke off the engagement. Well, at least I did. Since I realized I have this crush on this guy, I have completely fallen out of love with my jerk. Instead of putting more effort into that relationship, I rather entertain my feelings for this guy. It's reckless as fuck but I know if I don't do this I will regret it and I don't do regrets.

I am not oblivious though. Given my age, there's nothing much I can do about this crush of mine. I understand the risk involved and I don't expect him to reciprocate my feelings either. Like I said, I have no expectation hence I won't be disappointed. I have calculated and am mentally prepared for everything. Besides, if it is just a crush, and I leave it be just like that, it will wear itself off as the time goes by. That was what happened to my first crush as well.

This is so mature of me, right? XD

I am not sure whether or not he knows. I think he knows otherwise he wouldn't lead me on. Urgh damn shouta, playing with fujoshi's heart...

But damn I missed him in all of my waking hours and let him in my dream when I'm asleep. I understand why girls give up their virginity now LOL

Crushing is bliss. It makes me feels like a teenager heh but I'll keep my chastity belt on. That is not negotiable.

p/s: So I guess you can't be in love with two different person at the same time. I tried but failed.


Why would you ever marry someone you didn't like? I'd rather die alone (well on my way!).

I don't crush on girls. Whenever I get into a relationship I just get bored after a week. The closest thing I've had to a girlfriend is this one girl who I will hang out with/have sex with during the summer, but then when the fall/winter/spring (school) comes around, I won't see or hear from her until next summer, when we will resume the sexual lust.

It's strange but it works. I assume she is railing every guy at her college and that's fine for me.

Would I date this girl? It's debatable.

Exactly. I won't get married for the sake of getting married. People's expectation can go to hell.

It's hard for me to really falling head over heals for someone and when I do, it will be just a crush, an infatuation. Jeebus, this makes me realized that all my jerks are someone I don't really "love" per say.

I wish I have a guy friend like you have that Summer girl. Oh wait, I do. It's this crush of mine

when you fall for another guy while you're engaged, isn't it obvious that your fiancee is not the one for you? It's best not to lie to yourself and pretend to be faithful.

I used to think you should be faithful to the one you're with, just settle with someone who loves you. I don't get why people can easily 'tawar hati'. But I think I understand why now. It's pointless to pretend to be okay with the boring relationship.

Spoken like a true lady :3

Hey Klux, gonna sound cliche here but you gotta follow your heart in these matters or your never gonna be truly happy.

Its better to try and fail then to live knowing you were too afraid to face the unknown, and you never know he just may have feelings for you too ?

Heh, here's the good news. He does has feelings for me now and we have been dating for few months already. All is not futile XD

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