As of late, I have been thinking a lot about dying. I'm not sure why but thinking about death is a good motivation. It will help you focus and let you be appreciative of what you have though I wasn't good at any of that at all. In fact, when I think of dying, I wonder why am I still breathing at the moment. LOL suicidal much?
It's not like my life is depressing, well... at time it does, but overall I think I have a good life. I have a job (of which I can't wait to get out of from) and pursuing my dream like I'm still 17 years old. In between that, I still have time for anime which also mean I have almost zero social life. Well, what do you expect when my jerk lives 2 states away from me. I moved to be where he is and then BAM! his company send him to where I came from which just frustrates the both of us. Distance will always be an issue for us I guess *shrugs*
Anyway, I'm deviating. I was talking about death earlier, wasn't I? As some of you probably knew, I was diagnosed with a breast tumor late last year. I got one removed from my left breast earlier this year and since the lump in my right breast is benign, the doctor decided to let it be but I have to do an annual check up just to make sure that it stays benign. The possibility of me having cancer is more than 30%. Might not sound like much but it hit you right in the gut. To be honest, when I think of how I would die, I always thought that I'll be dying by some incurable disease. I guess God send a warning that he can make my wishes comes true?
A year has gone by and it is only recently that I thought of things that I want to do/accomplish before I say goodbye to this lonely world. Who would have thought that making this list is sort of depressing and kind of liberating? Apparently there isn't that many things that I want to do, or perhaps, most of it I have already done/accomplished/achieved. Here are the only things that I can think of:
3. Visit the countries that I am fascinated with ever since I was a child
4. Open my own pastry shop
5. Becomes a novelist
And that is all. I'm such a simpleton, no? I'm not as greedy as I thought I was. If I have all that then I'll die the happiest and most grateful person in the world.
On the other hand, my rather illogical things that I want to do (granted that I have infinite amount of money all of a sudden) would be:
1. Visits all my Gotei and Twitter friends around the world
2. Buy myself a bishie, one for each month I get to live
3. Buy the rights for Bleach so I can write it the way I wanted it
4. Buy Super Junior from SM Entertainment and keep them to myself (tempted to write orgy)
5. Produce the best anime by investing in my fav studios: ufotable and A-1 Pictures.
And that 5+5 is 10 things I want to do before I die. Have you given a thought of what you want to do so that you live your life with no regrets? And have you given a thought of how you want your death to be like? Would you rather have a painless death but alone and miserable or an agonizing death but surrounded by your love ones?
As for me, I don't really care as long as it won't caused too much pain to the people I left behind. But then again, they would probably throw a party at my departure lol.
p/s: damn insomnia.