23 May 2010

I read a quote from Kurt Cobain and I started writing. Somehow the post turned out like this.

"Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all."
Kurt Cobain
None the wiser imo. That sentences fit perfectly with where I am at in my life right now. I get fucked hard, everyday, thanks to my work and life in general. Sometimes I am not even sure if I am still a virgin.

JOHO is doing well. We are opening a concept store soon and is preparing the final ingredients for our new office, which located in front of the Tebrau Strait. That's the beach baby! We got the best sunset view everyday (granted that it's not raining)!

So yeah, despite the sunset, despite the best location, despite that I love my job, despite that I have fun everyday doing it, I still feel like work fucked me hard because I barely have time for everything else. It has taken a toll on my almost non-existence relationship and it caused back log on my anime and manga.

Though it is looking a tad better as the day progresses I still feel kinda incomplete. Those who are close to me noticed the subtle changes. I am more depressed than usual which is not a good thing (not that getting depressed will ever be a good thing). When I'm depressed, that means I will be on my foul mood 24/7 which will lead me to shunt society.

I sacrifice my sleep so that I can watch an episode of anime, or a chapter of manga. However the dosage is still too low for it to be effective. I sneaked in few DVD at the office, and watch them whenever I got the chance but since I tend to rant when I watch an episode, keeping it a secret is nearly an impossible task.


I wonder sometimes whether it was wise of me to sacrifice my hikki for this kind of a more productive life if it just made me more miserable.

I miss my Kensei. I miss my Shishimaru. I miss my Michael. I miss my Kitsune. I miss the time where I can spend a whole day doing nothing but pay attention to what Kyon was mumbling about. I want those days back.

That thought got me to think, or realized at the moment that my happiness really does depends on the anime/manga that I am watching or reading, and most certainly heavily relies on the characters that I am in love with. I can't be in a long lasting relationship because the kind of romance I'm in is nothing compared to the kind of romance Shiki has, or Haruhi, or Rukia. Or at least the person I was dating is so unlike Gin, or Morita or Otani.

Yes, I know. I am comparing a real person with an anime character.

That is how far gone I am.

Do I want it any other way? I am not sure anymore. For example, I canceled a date for two nights in a row because I am content with the fact that I can used that time catching up with my anime. I just spent 3 hours watching Giant Killing and Tatsumi kinda sooth my aching heart with his awesomeness. I doubt the person that I am supposed to go to a date with will have that same effect on me.

I derived a lot of happiness from a single fanart like this. Thanks Cosmo.

So yeah, I dunno why am I writing all of these shit really. I guess I just want to tell you that this is me. Weird and retarded I may be. You may or may not like who I am but I don't give a flying fuck.

Who are you to tell me that happiness is something else?

By the way, I have decided. I want to marry the waifu for real, starting with Grimmjow. That is of course if Glo has nothing against poligamy.


True story, sometimes I dress up like Grimmjow and masturbate furiously.

Weird and retarded I may also be.
Happiness may be something else but i shall agree.
Life is not fucking just you and me.
Someone dying virgin i had just seen.

Aside from the poor rhymes, one thing is for sure:

If work was good, nobody would charge for doing it,
If love was easy, nobody would care for obtaining it,

to work is a necessary evil, and it drains all our free time if you're trully commited to your job,

to love is an even deeper evil we must face someday, because perfection doesn't exist, and if we're picky/demanding about it , we're sure to be always alone... this is the magic, learn to like someone despite his flaws, respect his differences and be also respected...

anime cannot replace a true love no matter how hard you try, but, it can be a complement, as long as you know how to recognise its borders and its meaning in your real life

I am not criticizing you or anything, you've the free will to do whatever you want in your life... but i am just saying for you to look over the window, and stare at it a li'l bit. it will not hurt, you can find enjoyment at just watching people pass by it... who knows someone also stares at you and the wheel of fortune spins and where will it send you off ?

who knows... perhaps it depends only on you...

@Glo, hawt damn *nosebleed*

as for you TP, you have given me the same kinda advice not too long ago, right?

Heh, appreciate it.

You were right. The problem is with me. Not the other person. Never said it was.

Maybe I have lost hope when it comes to love. Who knows *shrugs*

Yupe fine lady. =)

This kinda theme (friendship/romance) always touch me, no matter whom is suffering/lost/trapped in those kinda feelings.

for example, i am a very assiduous reader of baka-raptor's site, but it was because of a long and dramatic post of him saying he was going to jump a bridge to get me finally commenting on his site.

BTW, you can call me THI ;)

Alright THI

It wasn't fair that you get to stalk me. Let me return the favor.

Oh wait, I already added you as my MAL friend!

And yeah, this kinda theme intrigued me too. And I am always into this kinda thing hence why the stories I wrote are always about this kinda theme. That sentence sounds gay. I should stop now.

I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not’
Could be a summary of my book, ‘Guilt Trip ~ Kurt Cobain Quotes

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