Earlier on it was anger that driven me to write the previous entry. Apparently it rubbed certain people the wrong way. They found it hard to get pass the swearing.
It was unfortunate but at that moment that was exactly how I felt. I was more mad at myself than at that person. I was angry at my carelessness. I could not believe that I had go and done it again. There are a tinge of resentment and bitterness but that can't be help.
It was a shame though if those people failed to see what I was trying to convey. Apparently they do not know me as well as I thought they do.
I am a tough cookie made from soft dough.
It is true that I foolishly allowed my heart to get broken yet again. The damage will be permanent. Yet I could not find it in my heart (probably because it does not exist anymore) to stay angry for long. The pain is still there but I am sure in time it will disappear gradually. The scar, however, will remain forever.
I always known that falling in love will eventually brought me more grief than bliss. That was why once upon a time, after I had experienced the wrath of it, I was adamant not to be a victim ever again.
Yet, fate is a funny thing. When I was starting to rejoice and enjoy the single life, there came a knock on my door. It was hard for me to open the door and let this person in. The effort was tiring but in the end you rip what you sow. It was a pleasure and I do not regret making the decision to let him enter.
My fate turns out to be cruel as well. The relationship does not last for some reason or the other. However, we remain as friend and stay close.
Until recently when things started to turn sour.
This person pissed me off with the way he treated me as a friend and the fact that he admittedly say that he wanted me to taste my own medicine. I am sorry to say that his mission is a big success.
But since he is a good friend, tried as I might, I could not stay mad at him. After much liberation I have come to realize that at the end of the day we are both adults. Although it hurts like hell, I took it as Divine Preordained: we are just not meant to be.
He deserved all the happiness in the world and I wish him the best of luck.
I just hope it is not too late for us to put the humpty dumpty back together again. Hopefully this relapse episode does not affect our friendship.
He is after all nonpareil.
This is the end of the road for me. No more romance junctions. All I can see in front of me are dead end streets.
p/s: 1) I have done some modification in the previous entry so it is now rated U. huhuhu. 2) The accuracy of my entry sayang, kaseh dan cinta is now can't be denied.
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